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Useful musical notations

Useful musical notations with some translations as well

Accelerando – to gradually get faster since you are such a slow poke; 急いで、私は私の歯科医の予定に到達する必要があります

Andante – a walking tempo, temporarily, until you trip over a sixteenth note; 足にけいれんがありました

Basso continuo – a form of bass line from the baroque period, noted with numbers that indicate chords, probably in a random nonsensical fashion according to the whims of the composer; あなたは生の魚を食べたことがありますか

Berceuse – a lullaby, causing you to doze off and miss your cue. Then the conductor throws his or her baton at you, stabbing you through the heart, and forever after you mournfully haunt the concert hall; matur nuwun sewu lulla, aku wis wektu swell

Crescendo – growing as in a swelling of sound, short for "Criminy, close the blooming window"; te recomendamos a good restaurant

Expressive – play expressively, sometimes with tears, grimacing, and much gnashing of your teeth; Har du noen kippers, jeg er sulten

Fugue – contrapuntal, someone's contrary uncle; غوريلا قليلة في العالم

Gigue – a lively dance form from the baroque, and when the music stops, everyone yells "gique!"  and everyone falls down laughing: uma ingaphukile ungayilungisi

Giocoso – play the piece cheerfully or in a playful way, what other way is there? আমার পায়ের আঙ্গুল ব্যাথা, এটা কিছু মাখন করা

Leggiero – lightly without force, also a type of linguini; hvis du kommer til at trykke mig på skulderen, gør det forsigtigt, tak. Jeg er hele fra mudderbrydning i aftes

Legno – for string players to use wooden side of bow to hit the strings, and sometimes the heads of other players; fass mein Bein nicht an NEIN!

Mezzo – half, what the conductor says you will be paid for a performance; Hatagan ko ikaw niini nga donut

Passacaglia – baroque dance form with a short melodic phrase, usually in the bass, and sometimes in the basement; 海龜是很棒的寵物

Poco a poco – little by little, you poka me, I poka you to the tune of a polka; ти ме тласкаш и аз ще те съборя

Rallentando – gradually slower, since we get tired during a performance such as one of Wagner's 8 hour opera performances; когда я становлюсь старше, я становлюсь медленнее

Ritenuto – slow down, obviously a curse word in Italian meaning "addle-brained musician who can't stay on the beat" but few will admit it ; Εγώ θα puke εάν δεν οδηγείτε πιο αργά

Rubato – play with freedom, deviate from strict tempo to get more expressive playing, also another curse word, loosely translated "you are a fat pig"; onde fica o banheiro?

Scherzo – joke, fast light-hearted, the sound an Italian makes when he or she sneezes (I'm part Italian so I am allowed to do Italian jokes); La tua faccia sembra un formaggio ammuffito

Sarabande – in baroque, a slow, genteel dance in triple time, also a small musical group led by the famous singer, Sara; Ég stakk upp á hundinn þinn

Triple time – three beats to a measure like ¾, also, multitasking, doing three things at once like drinking a soda, texting and driving causing you to rear end a truck; Эмнэлэг хаана байна вэ?

Banana Recipe Contest

Yeah, another contest, but not necessarily with musical compositions. A number of banana recipes have already been posted in the comments to "banana, signature edition" and you are invited to submit your own unique/strange/fascinating banana recipes in this new contest. First, second, third, and honorable banana mention awards will be given. No rules ('rules? we don't need no stinking rules'). So let the merriment begin. The contest will end January 1, 2015.

How to be heard over the rest of my band?

So im in marching band and I'm the only flute out of 16 hornline, mostly brass...

I keep trying to play louder but it always goes up an octave or makes an awful screeching noise. Even though I have been playing for about two years, I've never found a solution to the problem.  I was wondering if any of you could give me some tips on how to play louder but still sound decent during competitions.

Need advice about the bassoon

You may or may not know this but I am arranging the Pathetique Sonata for a symphony orchestra. I have gotten to the second Grave section and the notes reach the very lowest register of the bassoon. Before I get too deep into it, I need some advice about the bassoon, preferably from someone who plays the bassoon.

Can the bassoon play pianissimo in its lowest register? Because the last note of the Grave section that I would put in the bassoon part is a B natural below the bass staff. I know the bassoon can be very mellow sounding but can B natural below the bass staff be played pianissimo? If not, then I will just have that note played by the double basses and notate it up an octave from where it is in the piano score to get the desired pitch.

The Violin

A violin is taken to hospital. The doctor examines her and says:
"There's nothing wrong with you. But you broke your bow. How did that happen?"
Violin: "I only remember the thunderous applause for the composer."
Doctor: "Do you remember his name?"
Violin: "No. I think he was on the first page of the sheet music."